Our Worst Nightmare

I was blessed to drive past this beautiful field of wild flowers today.

For the past month my family has been living in what I will call "lock down" mode.  We are having a problem with one of our daughters trying, and sometimes succeeding, sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night.  Upon hearing this statement one would think that this is the behavior of our teen, rebelling against house rules.  Unfortunately, our teen is always tucked safely in her bed.  It is our 5 year old, who driven by a ever present compulsion, to walk one of our dogs.

This morning, and I mean early morning, we got the call no parent ever wants to get.  My husband and I were awoken at 4:15 by a call from the local sheriff.  "Do you have a daughter named Paige" the voice on the other end of the phone asked?  We shot up out of bed and ran for the front porch.  We were both overwhelmed to find Paige holding a flash light, a leash and one of our dogs, dressed in a tee-shirt and flip flops, holding the hand of one of our neighbors.             

This field of flowers was a bright spot in my day.

The only words that came out of my mouth were:  "she's special needs, she's special needs".  Fortunately, the sheriff and our neighbor were very understanding.  I scolded Paige severely for what she had done.  Paige however did not care that she had caused such and uproar, nor did she show the slightest bit of fear in being out alone in the middle of the night.

Once we got back in the house Paige admitted she has taken a key and let herself out of the house.  For the past month we have had to lock and dead-bolt every door in the house because Paige had made attempts to get out of the house.  We had also installed an alarm on a "baby-gate" that she must go through to get into and out of her room.  As far as we can tell, Paige got over the gate without setting the alarm off.  She then used a chair to climb up into the kitchen counter;  from there she was able to reach the hidden key, 3 shelves up.

By now,  you must be thinking, how does a family get to this point?  Honestly, it has not been easy.  We are doing our best to raise a child with serious behavioral and mental healthcare issues.  The genetic material passed onto her from her biological parents combined with severe abuse and neglect, helped form our baby's character.  We are now doing our best to keep Paige safe and get her the care she so desperately needs.

When we have days like this I often wonder what God sees in me?  I know that it is God that who wanted us to be Paige's parents and protectors.  When things seem to go badly, and I feel as if I am failing in the things I do, I find myself asking "What is it You see in me Lord"?  "What am I supposed to do"?  Normally I do not get the answers that I seek, but I know that God does not make mistakes.  

More than anything, I would like people to understand just how difficult things can be with a child who has mental health issues.  I have been blessed with a few close friends who know, and understand what our day to day life is like.  There have also been other people who claimed to be Christian and understanding.  Their lack of compassion and understanding of our situation still hurts me every time I think of them.

As I close this post I think about the night ahead.  Will I be able to sleep?  Will Paige try to get out and go for a walk?  I am already planning for tomorrow: 1 doctor visit, multiple phone calls to set up intensive in home therapy, try to fit some time in for being a normal child.  I know that through it all God is watching over us.  I hope and pray that one day things will normalize.  Until that day I will remain faithful and love the little girl we so desperately want to help.

What an amazing display of God's wondrous power.