Greener Grass

I have spent a good deal of my life wishing for something that I did not have.  As a culture we always seem to want bigger, better, faster, prettier.  As a Mom I have longed for what the "Jones'" had.   My children, though young, did the same with clothes and toys. We always seem to want what we don't have.

A number of events in the past week have caused me to think to myself, "are we ever satisfied"?  I was disheartened to hear a friend complain that her child was not acting the way she thought she should behave.  Life with children rarely falls into place, exactly as one hopes.  Most of us are lucky if we make it through the day having cleaned the house, showered, and cooked a meal.  For those of us fortunate enough to stay home with our children, we should cherish every moment with them, even the terrible moments.  Time with our children should not be looked back upon in regret.

North Carolina is a beautiful state.  I love the diversity of the landscape and the friendliness of the people.   We have truly enjoyed living life, in our small southern town.  This week, my dearest friend came for a visit.  Her visit made me realize that I was very quick to pick up and move to perceived greener pastures.  Unfortunately, I did not check out the landscape.  While I live in a lovely place, it does not always have the warm feeling of home.  My friend's visit made me realize just how much I miss the important people I left behind.

Many years ago, I belonged to a club called "Bloom Where You Are Planted".  Even though the patch of earth that I landed on in NC, isn't quite as green as I hoped, I still intend to flourish.  God has many good things in store for myself and my family.  My dreams of being united with a brother I never knew are gone, but I have found loving friends.  We may not have family here in NC,  but we have a supportive church family.   Lastly, but most importantly,  God has shown me that I do not need to continue seeking greener pastures.  In His loving care, He will provide all the we need.  He is our Strength and our Provider.

"As for man, his days are like grass; As a flower of the field, so he flourishes."

Psalms 103:15

Some Days

As moms we all have "some days".  Some days with our children are good, some are great, some just stink.  In general, I believe that most most families have more good days than bad.  Our home is different, we go through phases. Like the moon our 5 year old daughter's moods wax and wane from week to week.  I pray for consistency and hope for peace.

Being a 5 year old is tough stuff.  You are not quite old enough to do the things your older sibling(s) can do.  You watch and wait for your chance to sneak a snack, the TV remote, the book  left open on the kitchen table, or the full glass of tea set out on the counter.  Things however, usually end badly.  Most often in tears.  For Paige, tears do not come because she is caught red-handed, they come from a sense of frustration, anger, or complete loss of patience.  This is no ordinary day, she is no ordinary 5 year old.

I don't think that we have had many so called normal days in a very long time.  Our days are dictated by whatever impulses are firing in Paige's brain, on any given day.  Like letters in the alphabet our lives have defined by ADHD, SPD, OCD, ANXIETY, STATIC ENCEPHALOPATHY, and some we don't have names for yet. " Our days" turn into a weeks, waiting for a peace with our little spit fire Paige.

  The words that I say on Monday: “no”, “stop”, “please don't”, etc. were said over and over again, more times than I could ever count.  I never realized that one child could be so incredibly smart and yet struggle so much. Following simple rules and simple requests is a monumental task.  I wish that Paige's biological parent's could comprehend how their actions have so negatively impacted a young child's life.

So much is often misunderstood with children like Paige.  When we go out  Paige is often looked upon as an unruly child.  I have been looked upon as a mother who can not control her child.  Knowing who and when to ask for help with Paige has also been difficult.  While most friends and family have been understanding some have not.  As with anything in family life, we turn first to God and everything else will work out.

My hope is that one day we will have more consistently good days than crazy ones.  As Paige grows and matures I pray that she is able to better deal with challenges she currently faces.  In time, I know that she will be able to get dressed without crying, go to the bathroom without an audience, and I will stop saying “no” 1,000 times a day.  Until then my faith and my Heavenly Father will see me through everyday.