Monday, March 31, 2014

In My Own Backyard

Sometimes in life you have to own up and admit when you are wrong.  As much as I hate to admit it, I have been wrong time and time again since moving to NC.  Despite many hours of thought and planning, my ideas about how life should be have been ended up disastrous.  Fortunately for me, God and my family have shown me grace, love and, unconditional support.

Even though I am 45 years old I still believe in fairy tales.  God has blessed me with far more than I ever deserve.  I have a wonderful husband,  2 beautiful daughters, and everything I could ever want in life……and yet something was missing.  Our family had become an island, we were connected to almost  no one in the small town in which we live. 

So what does a good Christian girl do when she is looking for some company?  I started looking for a new church.  Not just any church, a big church.  A church with all the bells and whistles a church could possibly have.  It wasn't long before I found "the church".   This was going to be great, all of our needs were going to be met.  “Wow, I am good.”

Well, my enthusiasm, and that of my family was short lived.  I did not take into consideration that our new super church was almost 40 miles from our house.  That meant getting up at the crack of dawn, driving 80 miles round trip for Sunday morning service, and driving another 80 miles for evening classes.  Worse yet, while we were willing to drive to "the church" none of our new friends would return the favor.  We were still a lonely island in our small town. 

Frustrated and exhausted I had to admit I made a mistake picking our new church.  What good was a great sermon when I slept through it?  I knew I needed to make a better choice for my family.  My prejudice against small town churches had to be set aside.  Just because I life in our small town had not been all sunshine and roses didn't mean that our little town couldn’t have a good church.

God is good!  Despite my pride and prejudice we found a great church.  We also managed to find some really great people who host a church, community group 1 street over from our house.  It has taken us, mostly me, 3 years to be comfortable in our own back yard.  I have let  personal feelings cloud my judgment on the town in which we live.  Another mistake I had to own up to.

Despite my hopes, my fairy tale dreams crashed and burned not long after we moved to NC.  I may have been let down by more than one person in our new life, but God has introduced a new cast of characters.  God does not want us to be islands unto ourselves.  We are meant to be part of a community of the faithful, we are also meant to open our doors to strangers in need.  The next time I feel the need to go searching for something I know I won't go so far.  I now know that their are many hidden treasures in my own backyard.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Live, Learn, and Pray

I  have written, more than once, that life in NC has not turned out as I had hoped.  My fairy tale dream of having a relationship with my "half brother" lasted only months after we moved to NC.  My husband and children sacrificed the life they new for the hope of my dreams coming true.  Today, almost 3 years later life is so very different from those foolish, ill-conceived dreams I once had.

One of the biggest mistakes I made prior to moving to NC was leaving God out of the planning process.  I felt as if I knew what was best for my family, and God would bless those plans.  How wrong I was.  What I so desperately needed to do was to pray and ask God if what I wanted to do was the right decision.  If I had prayed and listened for God’s will what would our lives be like today?
God has seen us through many trials here in NC; life here has not been easy.  Our dependance on God has grown exponentially.  Unfortunately, our need for God has also grown.  Life with a special needs child, another child having gone through major surgery, and myself dealing with chronic medical conditions,  are obstacles most other families do not face.  Yet, we do our best to face life everyday with new hope.

As parents of a child with behavioral and other special needs we are always dealing with a tantrums, melt downs, or other, often troublesome behavior, that breaks up the peace of the day.  Despite having a team of specialists for our youngest daughter we still do not have the life of a "normal family".  We are away from family and friends who understand our situation.  Lately, more than ever, I have realized the implication of our move.  

We have learned many lessons in our time in NC.  Most importantly that God is the center of our family.  God will never lead us astray.  God will always love us, flaws and all.  If we are to flourish in our new home we need to continue to put our faith in God and forget the past hurts and disappointments.  

I am ready for a new beginning.  Spring is here and change is upon us.  Although life may be challenging God has confidence that we can overcome any obstacle or 5 year old.  In time, His time, we will find our way to the place we are meant to be.  I believe that our  mistakes are stepping stones to the paths we are meant take.  This time next year we will be well traveled souls on this path called life.

Monday, March 10, 2014

More Than Words

Lately, I have been dealing with a serious case of writer's block.  My life is moving at a pace that is not conducive to so-called down time.  I feel like a hamster running on one of those little wheels, always in motion but getting nowhere.  We all have these days, but I don't think we own up to them enough.  We, as women, are supposed to be super moms, wives, and women, doing it all with ease and finesse.

I am a firm believer that what happens in our lives is a result of God's bigger plan for us.  Since 2006 God has placed many obstacles and challenges in my path, and that of my family.  Each challenge, though difficult, strengthened some aspect of our life.  No challenge was ever more than I or my spouse, Claus could handle.  Prayer became our life line to God.  God was always listening.

People who do not believe in the power of prayer have often asked:  "How do you know God is listening?"  "How does God speak to you?"  Life would be much easier if God could just answer our prayers immediately, in a grand, Fatherly tone.   After many years of prayer and reflection I have finally come to accept that God works in His time and on His terms.  We, as His children, need to be patient, faithful, and open to anyway God could reveal His will.

For several months a particular issue been on my heart, and taking up too my space in my already full mind.  I have prayed and asked God for guidance, direction,  and most of all wisdom.  For a very long time God seemed silent to my prayers.  I started to believe that maybe my problem was not meant to be resolved; and then it happened, God spoke.

So how does God speak to someone on a Monday morning?  How do I know it was God?  There are times in life when mere words take on extraordinary meaning.  Today, I happened to be listening to a new program on satellite radio. This program addressed the specific issue I had been praying about.  I was filled with praise because this 30 minute program gave me the encouragement I needed to change my state of mind.  I truly feel that God was speaking through this program.

God is great!  God has "spoken" to me many other times in my life, through many other “instruments.”  When I have listened to His messages or followed His word, life has been good, not always easy but good.  God can speak to all of us if we are willing to listen.  First we must start with faith and prayer.  I can't imagine where our lives would be without our Savior.  I am confident that He will continue to help me on my life path.  .