Monday, April 23, 2012

How Do I Say Good-Bye






Exactly one week today my life, and the lives of my family changed forever.  Three members of my family were killed in a violent car accident.  My Aunt Mary, her husband, my Uncle George, and my Aunt Judy, all were together celebrating a family wedding, were taken from this life much too soon.  All left children behind who still needed their guidance, love, and support.
I have been fortunate in my life to never have experienced loss on such a grand scale.  When my mother called to tell me the devastating news I was overcome with grief.  I felt as if I had been blindsided by an immense wave of sorrow.  For 2 days I had to make a deliberate effort to breath before I spoke so that I would not cry.
Since the wake and the funeral were to be held in New York I had hours of drive time to think about the events of the past week.  My sorrow turned to denial as I could no longer comprehend the deaths of  my family members.  My Uncle had just beaten cancer, and he and my Aunt were going to enjoy their summers in their newly remodeled summer home.  My Aunt Judy had just seen her daughter married, daughters are supposed to have their moms around.
The day of the wake had come, it was the day I was most dreading, deep in my heart.  I did not know how I could say good-bye to people I loved so dearly.  What I had not expected was the outpouring of love and support from the community, and friends of my Aunt and Uncle.  My cousin is a police officer; officers and fireman from surrounding towns and districts came out in staggering numbers.  Former colleagues,  community club members, and every person my Aunt or Uncle’s life ever touched was at the wake.  Six hundred people in all turned up to pay their final respects to, two beautiful people.
On that evening I realized that I had not been living my life to its fullest potential.  In the last year I had taken steps to better my life, but my life is not in the place I want it to be should I leave this earth and join my God.  I want to grow into a deeper relationship with my God.  I feel that I am on a right path for that walk, but I still have some distance to go.  My family needs to become a bigger priority when we have down time.  My house does not always need to sparkle, I don’t need to clean all day Saturday and forget to play.  I need to be as good a wife as the best wives in the bible.  We don’t have many modern day woman to look to as examples, the bible is the best place to look.
The best way I can honor the death of my loved ones is to live my life to the fullest every day.  I am going to formalize my goals by putting together a program based on my walk with God and scripture.  I know that through God, I will have the strength to live a healthier, happier, life.  I want to love more, give more, laugh more, pray more; I want more of things that are not earthly.  My new life will be my way of saying good-bye to my beloved family.  I will be living a life that will be full enough if it is ever cut short.