When is Never?

I have been reading parenting books on childhood behaviors, ADHD, SPD, and other disorders for the past 2 1/2 years.  We have been given advice on parenthood from friends, family, doctors, and perfect strangers.  Until today, no one and no "how to guide" has offered my husband and I words that have had a substantial impact on our family situation.

Today, I took Paige for her initial intake evaluation for "Intensive Home Therapy".  We have reached a point in our lives where once a week, out patient psychiatric therapy, is not effective for Paige's escalating behaviors.  I immediately liked Paige's future therapist, Miss D.  If we are accepted into this much needed program, Miss D. promised me something we have not had much of in Paige's treatment thus far.  Today, I was promised honesty and a forthright professional exchange on what we are facing with our daughter.

Driving home from the appointment I went over the conversation I had with Miss D.  I was somewhat irritated because I had not heard many of these statements from Paige's treating psychiatrist.  I felt as if the bulk of what has been discussed in the past 6 months of therapy has been sugar-coated to save my feelings.  The harsh realities of a 5 year old with mental illness are just that, HARSH.  Obscuring our reality or that of our future will only cause our family more pain "down the road".

Despite the reality check I got this afternoon, our morning got off to a great start.  Paige "graduated" from pre-school.  I know that many people that feel that graduation for young children is a foolish exercise.  On some levels I agree, we reward our children for almost anything these days.  But today, I am just a proud mom of a little girl.  Today may be the first and last day Paige is on equal footing with her peers.  Today, Paige was just a little girl wearing a white cap and gown.

As I think about the months to come I know that many things will change.  We will have therapists, in our home, 3-4 times a week.  When September rolls around Paige will not be starting kindergarten with the children she graduated with; Paige will go into a special education class.  My hopes for homeschooling Paige are now memories of what I had hoped for; instead she will be taught by another woman.

It is my greatest hope and my constant prayer that Paige will reach a point where her conditions stop worsening.  Often, I used to say to myself, "next year will be different".  Each year is different but not in the ways that I had hoped.  For now I want Paige's internal turmoil to become still.  I want her to do the things an average 5 year old does.  I pray for a time with less therapy and medication.  I want the peace we once had in our home to return.

I am faithful that God knows what is best for Paige and for our family.  It would be so much better if I turned more to Him than to the doctors I seem to talk to daily.  God brought Paige into our world and it is our joy, our pain, and our responsibility to see that she gets the care she needs.  God in turn will take care of our needs as we lay them at His feet.

Time Running Out…..Get Your Tee!!

There are only 9 days left to get your 1st Edition Passion, Proverbs, & Me, tee shirt. If you are a Proverbs 31 kind of women you will love this shirt. Follow the link below to get your tee or hoodie. Thank you 

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Our Worst Nightmare

I was blessed to drive past this beautiful field of wild flowers today.

For the past month my family has been living in what I will call "lock down" mode.  We are having a problem with one of our daughters trying, and sometimes succeeding, sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night.  Upon hearing this statement one would think that this is the behavior of our teen, rebelling against house rules.  Unfortunately, our teen is always tucked safely in her bed.  It is our 5 year old, who driven by a ever present compulsion, to walk one of our dogs.

This morning, and I mean early morning, we got the call no parent ever wants to get.  My husband and I were awoken at 4:15 by a call from the local sheriff.  "Do you have a daughter named Paige" the voice on the other end of the phone asked?  We shot up out of bed and ran for the front porch.  We were both overwhelmed to find Paige holding a flash light, a leash and one of our dogs, dressed in a tee-shirt and flip flops, holding the hand of one of our neighbors.             

This field of flowers was a bright spot in my day.

The only words that came out of my mouth were:  "she's special needs, she's special needs".  Fortunately, the sheriff and our neighbor were very understanding.  I scolded Paige severely for what she had done.  Paige however did not care that she had caused such and uproar, nor did she show the slightest bit of fear in being out alone in the middle of the night.

Once we got back in the house Paige admitted she has taken a key and let herself out of the house.  For the past month we have had to lock and dead-bolt every door in the house because Paige had made attempts to get out of the house.  We had also installed an alarm on a "baby-gate" that she must go through to get into and out of her room.  As far as we can tell, Paige got over the gate without setting the alarm off.  She then used a chair to climb up into the kitchen counter;  from there she was able to reach the hidden key, 3 shelves up.

By now,  you must be thinking, how does a family get to this point?  Honestly, it has not been easy.  We are doing our best to raise a child with serious behavioral and mental healthcare issues.  The genetic material passed onto her from her biological parents combined with severe abuse and neglect, helped form our baby's character.  We are now doing our best to keep Paige safe and get her the care she so desperately needs.

When we have days like this I often wonder what God sees in me?  I know that it is God that who wanted us to be Paige's parents and protectors.  When things seem to go badly, and I feel as if I am failing in the things I do, I find myself asking "What is it You see in me Lord"?  "What am I supposed to do"?  Normally I do not get the answers that I seek, but I know that God does not make mistakes.  

More than anything, I would like people to understand just how difficult things can be with a child who has mental health issues.  I have been blessed with a few close friends who know, and understand what our day to day life is like.  There have also been other people who claimed to be Christian and understanding.  Their lack of compassion and understanding of our situation still hurts me every time I think of them.

As I close this post I think about the night ahead.  Will I be able to sleep?  Will Paige try to get out and go for a walk?  I am already planning for tomorrow: 1 doctor visit, multiple phone calls to set up intensive in home therapy, try to fit some time in for being a normal child.  I know that through it all God is watching over us.  I hope and pray that one day things will normalize.  Until that day I will remain faithful and love the little girl we so desperately want to help.

What an amazing display of God's wondrous power.

Thoughts On Mother's Day

I have had the privilege of celebrating Mother's Day for the past 13 years.  My husband and I have been blessed with two beautiful girls, ages 13 and 5.  Our oldest daughter Rose, is our biological daughter.  She has been an easy child since the day she was born.  Our youngest daughter, Paige, came into our lives through adoption.  Life with Paige has been filled with the best and worst of times.  We are confident however, that God meant for us to be Paige's parents.

When I was a new mom I had great expectations on what I thought Mother's Day would mean for me.  It seemed obvious to me, that the day should be filled with cards and flowers, breakfast in bed, and not lifting a finger the entire day.  I fed into the media blitz, stereotype, of what the perfect Mother's Day should be……for perfect people.

Sadly, as the first Mother's Day came and went I was a bit disappointed.  I did not wake up to cards and flowers, nor was my breakfast made!  Worse yet, dirty diapers were waiting for me to change.  It was hard for me not to get upset, I had dreamt of having a perfect day and it wasn't perfect.  It had not occurred to me that my focus was all wrong.  It would take years for me to truly appreciate the true meaning of Mother's Day.

Now, years later, my thoughts on the ideal Mother's Day have changed.  While cards and flowers are nice, and I still like getting them, they are not what I expect to wake up to on the day.  I am happy to wake up knowing that I have 2 wonderful daughters to raise.  Having almost lost our youngest daughter, to a broken foster care system, has put my priorities straight.  

This year was by far my best Mother's Day ever.  We had a great day at home doing almost nothing.  I cleaned what I wanted to clean, I made my own breakfast and I cooked breakfast for my late sleeping teen.  Later in the day I snoozed on the couch with my lazy dogs.  For dinner, my husband cooked a gourmet dinner of Danish style pancakes, and everyone was happy. What more could a mother want?

As with many things in life, maturity makes all the difference.  Because of the many difficult circumstances we have been through with our youngest daughter, these past 3 years, I have come to appreciate the simple things in life.  Nothing is more important than the health and happiness of our children.  Nothing means more to mean than  the love of my husband and my girls.  God has given me the best gift I could ever want, He placed me on the path to my family.  I give thanks and praise, to Him, everyday.

Today's Crafting Quickie

Despite having a terrible upset stomach I have managed to get some crafting time in.  To say that I have a "thing" for picture frames is an understatement.  I love to decorate with with ornate, gesso, antique frames, thrifty frames I have found at Goodwill, and fames that I make myself.  Today, I am working on 3 frames.  Two of the frames are painted wood, and the third is decoupage and painted wood.  

One of the advantages of making your own picture frames is having the ability to select the color of your frame.  Vibrant picture frames can add a pop of color to any room.  Also, in making your own frame you have the opportunity to get creative in what you are framing.  I have framed family pictures, vintage linens, and anything else that suits your fancy.

Here is a sneak peek into what I have been working on.  If you would like any tips or suggestion on where to go to get materials please feel free to leave a comment.

Have a blessed evening….Lisa

Exciting News!!!!!

I am happy and proud to announce that tonight is the launch of Passions, Proverbs, & Me, first edition tees.  Proverbs 31:10-31,  has been an inspiration in my life since becoming a Christian.  I strive to live up to the woman, described in this most famous of biblical Proverbs.  We, as women, are surrounded by many negative images which we can not or should not aspire to live up to.  TV, news, and images in magazines tell us that we are too fat, not wearing the latest fashions, not raising our children in the right manner, and not making our husbands happy.  Truly, the only place we should be looking for inspiration is in the words of our Lord and in the lives of other Godly women.  I hope you take the time to check out my new tee-shirt.  I will be wearing it proudly and sharing the words of our Lord any where that I can.  Have a great evening, and God Bless.

Passions, Proverbs, & Me - First Edition Tees

A Dachshund, A Snoodle, and a Frenchie, Oh My !!

I always knew, from the time I was a little girl, that I wanted to have more than one child.  Growing up as an only child had its advantages, but I always longed for a sibling to be my partner in crime.  My parents had different ideas than I, so another child was never welcomed into our family.  I believe it was the summer I was 8, that I knew I would have "lots" of children.

Much to my dismay, it looked as if my oldest daughter would be an only child.  My body failed me, so my desire to have "lots" of children could not be accommodated by my dysfunctional lady-bits.  Unlike myself, my daughter Rose was happy being an only child.  There were occasions when she talked about having a sibling, but it was always an older sibling.  I delicately explained, that if a sibling ever came along, he or she would be younger.  

Before my husband and I made the decision to adopt through the foster care system, I had baby fever.  I guess I should clarify and say, I had puppy fever.  I bugged, pleaded, and nagged my husband for a puppy.  Initially he said "no" because we had an aging great dane, pit bull mix.  We had no idea how our old girl would react to an upstart puppy.  Our Diamond as a wonderful, sweet, dog.  I knew that she would of course she would be great to a puppy!

After weeks of harassment I finally wore my husband down.  The three of us went on an adventure and came home with the tiniest puppy I had ever seen.  We had our new baby, a miniature dachshund, named Daisy.  It was only a matter of days before she was head of the house.  Within weeks she had earned the nick-name, Daisy the dachshund of doom and destruction.  Daisy was the substitute for the human baby I had wanted, and boy oh boy is she spoiled!

Shortly after we moved to NC, while my husband was on a business trip, I got the "itch" again to open our home to another to another "child".  Daisy was very happily spoiled, Paige now our adopted human child was 3 years old, and Rose our oldest was now 10.  Determined to rescue a needy dog, I drove to our local ASPCA.   It was then that we got our next baby…Roxy.  

Poor Roxy had been adopted and returned twice.  She was the scruffiest, stinkiest, dog I had ever seen. Her hair was missing in huge patches and her skin bright red.  Roxy was suffering from severe skin allergies that had gone untreated.  She had never been given the chance at a normal, healthy life because no one ever took the time to care for her.  I fell head over heels for her.  

You would think that after adopting Roxy that our family would be complete.  Nope, not yet.  One day while on line I came across a picture of a one-eyed French Bull dog named Willow.  Willow had been dumped on the doorstep of a local vet, on a frozen January night.  She was so sickly that one of her eyes had to be removed because of infection.  After seeing her picture I knew we had to give her a home.  

Has anyone noticed a trend yet?  I am a sucker for the literal under-dog.  Roxy, despite intensive medical treatment, still suffers terribly from skin issues.  We are constantly aware of pollen levels, dog food ingredients, and what's in the doggie shampoo.  Willow has done well with only one eye.  Humans are often the ones at risk when we walk in her blind side.  We have discovered that Willow has bladder control issues, thank goodness for medication and doggies diapers!

Our canine family is such a huge part of our lives.  When life is extremely stressful because of our youngest's issues, my dogs are always there to provide comfort.  Our 3 wacky mutts fill our home with a constant source of love and humor.  There are many days when the dogs are the only "people" who listen to me.  I thank God everyday for our 4-legged companions, we are blessed to have them in our home.