I will apologize up front if my blog takes on a cynical tone today. My week has gotten off to a shaky start and it's only Tuesday. When I have a week, or days like this I really miss my Aunt Mary, and having a best friend. My Aunt Mary was killed, almost 2 years ago, in a tragic car accident. Unfortunately, 3 members of my family were killed on that day. In the past, when I had days like today, I would often pick up the phone and call Mary.
As for my best friend, I guess I don't have one. I had a very close friend for 12 years before our friendship ended. My new found faith, our an all consuming adoption process, her use of alcohol and her history of depression damaged our friendship. I tried many times to heal the wounds of our friendship but her heart was hardened to any reconciliation.
I have been blessed to meet many nice people since moving to North Carolina. Meeting people has not been the issue, finding women and other families willing to invest time to grow a close friendships is the problem. Life is far to busy with after homeschool activities, church commitments, and day to day family "stuff" for me to ever plan get togethers with like-minded women.
There have been times when my life has interfered with my "intended social-life". I was fortunate to meet a wonderful woman, whom I liked very much. Despite our age difference our families got along well. We were close enough for family dinners, golf outings, and attending one another's churches.
Then one day everything changed. I was criticized for taking advantage of our friendship. "How could that be I thought to myself", before I started to cry. "What was going on!" The dinners I cooked, the clothes I had given her daughter, the items I willing loaned the family for a year, meant nothing to her in the moment of hurt feelings. At the time, I reacted badly to my friends accusation. I was upset and I answered her letter in anger. I am human first, and a sinner second, and lastly a hurt friend.
As the months have past, and God has worked on my heart, He put it upon me to apologize. It took me a few days before I could come up with the right words of apology. I do not want to carry hurt, nor anger in my heart. So, I sat at my desk and I "penned" my e-mail to my friend and her husband. As of today I have only heard from my friend's husband. In my heart I believe that I will not get a reply from my seemingly former friend.
Breaking up with a friend at this point in my life is puts out more negative emotion than I want to expend. The death of my Aunt Mary, her husband (my Uncle George), and my Aunt Judy was the worst day of my life. Not a week goes by when I don't want to pick up the phone and call my Aunt Mary. I have lost too many people in my life to grieve the loss of another friend.
Eventually, I would like to have a female, best friend in my life. When the time is right God will bring the right person across my path. Until then I will be more guarded, less willing to open up about the important things in our family. I will be certain to more closely incorporate Jeremiah 17:5-7 into our daily life.
….Thus saith the Lord; Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm, and whose heart departeth from the Lord.
6 For he shall be like the heath in the desert, and shall not see when good cometh; but shall inhabit the parched places in the wilderness, in a salt land and not inhabited.
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