Live, Learn, and Pray

I  have written, more than once, that life in NC has not turned out as I had hoped.  My fairy tale dream of having a relationship with my "half brother" lasted only months after we moved to NC.  My husband and children sacrificed the life they new for the hope of my dreams coming true.  Today, almost 3 years later life is so very different from those foolish, ill-conceived dreams I once had.

One of the biggest mistakes I made prior to moving to NC was leaving God out of the planning process.  I felt as if I knew what was best for my family, and God would bless those plans.  How wrong I was.  What I so desperately needed to do was to pray and ask God if what I wanted to do was the right decision.  If I had prayed and listened for God’s will what would our lives be like today?

God has seen us through many trials here in NC; life here has not been easy.  Our dependance on God has grown exponentially.  Unfortunately, our need for God has also grown.  Life with a special needs child, another child having gone through major surgery, and myself dealing with chronic medical conditions,  are obstacles most other families do not face.  Yet, we do our best to face life everyday with new hope.

As parents of a child with behavioral and other special needs we are always dealing with a tantrums, melt downs, or other, often troublesome behavior, that breaks up the peace of the day.  Despite having a team of specialists for our youngest daughter we still do not have the life of a "normal family".  We are away from family and friends who understand our situation.  Lately, more than ever, I have realized the implication of our move.  

We have learned many lessons in our time in NC.  Most importantly that God is the center of our family.  God will never lead us astray.  God will always love us, flaws and all.  If we are to flourish in our new home we need to continue to put our faith in God and forget the past hurts and disappointments.  

I am ready for a new beginning.  Spring is here and change is upon us.  Although life may be challenging God has confidence that we can overcome any obstacle or 5 year old.  In time, His time, we will find our way to the place we are meant to be.  I believe that our  mistakes are stepping stones to the paths we are meant take.  This time next year we will be well traveled souls on this path called life.

More Than Words

Lately, I have been dealing with a serious case of writer's block.  My life is moving at a pace that is not conducive to so-called down time.  I feel like a hamster running on one of those little wheels, always in motion but getting nowhere.  We all have these days, but I don't think we own up to them enough.  We, as women, are supposed to be super moms, wives, and women, doing it all with ease and finesse.

I am a firm believer that what happens in our lives is a result of God's bigger plan for us.  Since 2006 God has placed many obstacles and challenges in my path, and that of my family.  Each challenge, though difficult, strengthened some aspect of our life.  No challenge was ever more than I or my spouse, Claus could handle.  Prayer became our life line to God.  God was always listening.

People who do not believe in the power of prayer have often asked:  "How do you know God is listening?"  "How does God speak to you?"  Life would be much easier if God could just answer our prayers immediately, in a grand, Fatherly tone.   After many years of prayer and reflection I have finally come to accept that God works in His time and on His terms.  We, as His children, need to be patient, faithful, and open to anyway God could reveal His will.

For several months a particular issue been on my heart, and taking up too my space in my already full mind.  I have prayed and asked God for guidance, direction,  and most of all wisdom.  For a very long time God seemed silent to my prayers.  I started to believe that maybe my problem was not meant to be resolved; and then it happened, God spoke.

So how does God speak to someone on a Monday morning?  How do I know it was God?  There are times in life when mere words take on extraordinary meaning.  Today, I happened to be listening to a new program on satellite radio. This program addressed the specific issue I had been praying about.  I was filled with praise because this 30 minute program gave me the encouragement I needed to change my state of mind.  I truly feel that God was speaking through this program.

God is great!  God has "spoken" to me many other times in my life, through many other “instruments.”  When I have listened to His messages or followed His word, life has been good, not always easy but good.  God can speak to all of us if we are willing to listen.  First we must start with faith and prayer.  I can't imagine where our lives would be without our Savior.  I am confident that He will continue to help me on my life path.  .

Just Say No…..To Everything

One of the things that my husband and I have always enjoyed doing is having a good meal.  When we lived in Connecticut, and our children were younger we had the opportunity to dine out most weekends.  We loved having the opportunity to go to local restaurants or into New York City for the innumerable selection of restaurants.  I miss the diversity of foods that we had in CT.  Food in small town NC just isn't the same.

Claus and I no longer have the same opportunities to go out and have culturally diverse food in the small town we live in.  Unfortunately, our youngest daughter makes dining out in a "nice" restaurants very difficult.  If we wanted to have something other than Mexican or Italian we would have to drive 35 minutes to an hour to find what her are looking for…..a nice grown up restaurant.  We have been left with few options.

Despite complaints from my children, I am a good cook.  I love to experiment with new dishes and ingredients. If we can't get out, I will create the food at home.  I also have a passion for baked goods.  There is nothing better than fresh baked cookies, cake or pie.  My oldest daughter went so far as to say: "Why can't you be a normal mom?  Normal mom's don't bake cookies on Monday!"  I don't really know what that means but I guess that I am abnormal.

So why am I going on about food?  Well, food has become too big a part of my life.  Food has become my comfort when I am stressed, a tool for celebration, a break from boredom, and a friend when I have felt alone.  I love the wrong kinds of food and they are making me sick.  I have an educational background in nutrition and I select the wrong foods to fill my body.  Eight years ago I weighed 122lbs.  Today, I would not tell you what I weigh because I am embarrassed.

Last week I had an upper endoscopy.  Despite my hopes the test did not come back normal.  My poor eating habits, and lack of management of a condition called GERD has caused some concerning changes to tissue in my esophagus.  I am lucky that this was caught early.  The tissue, though suggestive of a pre-cancerous condition, is not that severe YET.  My doctor has recommend change, drastic change in my diet to reverse the damage to the effected tissue.

Starting Monday my diet will look nothing like the things I am used to eating.  Most of what I like to eat will be banned from my new diet plan.  I will no longer be able to eat:   full fat dairy products (yogurts, cheeses, ice cream), CHOCOLATE, fatty meats & cold cuts, spicy foods, citrus fruits, tomatoes, any acidic fruits and vegetables.  Basically, I am allowed to eat high fiber fruit and vegetables and low fat proteins, no snacking between meals, and no eating 3 hours.

My diet is not entirely responsible for my health issues.  Genetics has played some role, my biological father died of esophageal cancer in his early sixties.  With God's mercy and grace I will not follow in my father's genetic footsteps.  I know that this not going to be easy for me .  Change never is easy, especially when  iti is radical.  I hope that if anyone is facing the same sort of issue, please contact me through the blog.  We all need support at one point in our live.  Take care and God Bless, have a great weekend.

Lisa

Two Loaves Of Bread

I heard the door of our antique bread box door slam against the kitchen counter.  Before I could get to Paige she was trying to beat the "you know what" out of 2 loaves of bread.  I was too late to save the bread but I was able to save the a glass of water.  This is what out life has become, moving from one outburst to the next.  We see less and less of our "Little Cupcake".  Hopefully soon, things will change.

If you look at Paige she is a seemingly normal 5 year old.  That is our blessing; it is also a draw back.  Paige may be 5 years old chronologically but she has the mentality of a much younger child.  Unfortunately, Paige's issues are not a question of immaturity.  If it only we that easy. 

Paige's brain does not have the ability to process many things:  abstract thought and concepts, she can not "read" people's body language or process sarcasm.  Much to my surprise, Paige has a learn disability.  More surprising, Paige may never be able to live independently later in life.  That is just the beginning of what Paige is facing.

Paige's fate was predetermined by the irresponsible and reckless behavior of her biological parents.  Their selfish want for alcohol, drugs, and their own person history with mental illness has effected the life of a little girl in ways they will never know.  We were robbed of knowing what could have been a happy and healthy child.

When we welcomed Paige into our home at 14 months we knew that she was special, that her needs were significant.  I never imagined that one day we would be in the position that we are now.  I did not imagine that we would have to seek specialized psychiatric treatment for a 5 year old.  I could not bear to think that the dreams for my little girl would not come true.  I did not think that everyday tasks like going to the grocery store would be so difficult.  We now have to rethink our dreams for Paige.

Despite the challenges that we are faced with everyday, I know that God has placed Paige with our family for a reason.  Paige has been a blessing to us since the day she came into our home.  With the resources that we now have through UNC, and the specialized services we will begin to utilize over the next several months I know things will get better.  There is nothing to big for God, His love and mercy are our constant source of strength.