Keeping Score

For those of you who don’t know me, I am a Christian.  I am passionate about my faith because Christ has changed my life in so many wonderful ways.  When I look back at my life I see my self as two people.  The first Lisa, is the Lisa before I had a relationship with Christ.  The way I see my self today is as a Christ follower.  I have a faith, not a religion.  Faith means so much more than religion.

One of the principle tenants of the Christian faith is forgiveness.  Christ died so that we could all be forgiven for our sins.  Now for the big revelation, no pun intended; I am a sinner!  I have done so many things wrong, in my life, that I have lost count.  I have made mistakes that I hope my children will not repeat.  Here's the “but”.....nothing I have done or will ever do is too big for Christ to forgive.  HE, Christ, does not keep score.  I am not on a heavenly black list because I committed multiple sins.

The old me lived a life of un-forgiveness, I was a score-keeper.  I kept mental tallies, in my head, until my anger consumed me.  My anger and resentment made me a different person.  It is very hard to live, day to day, trying to keep up with everyone who ever committed a grievance against me.  I forgot that we are all sinners.  My ego allowed me to look past my own issues and right into someone else's sin.

Most would think that my transition to Christianity would be seamless.  It has taken me almost 7 years to get to the place I am now.  I went from a not-so-nice person to being a joy filled woman. Unfortunately, becoming a Christian is harder than one would think.  I have lost friends and others close to me.  Those, who do not understand my life, judge me rather than support me.  The most hurtful days are when I am presented with "tally lists" of my former life.  Recounting every mistake and misstep I have made, since I was 18 is unesscessary.   I have not forgotten the past, reminding me does not make me more of a sinner. 

I have spent years agonizing over my past mistakes.   I have asked my Savior for forgiveness and I have been forgiven.  My tally list has been cleared without judgement or scorn.  My heavenly Father loves me as I am.  Scarred, broken, and bruised, there is nothing I can do to separate myself from Him.