Whose Plan Is It Anyway?

Life doesn’t always work out in the ways that we plan, at least not in my life. Today, I was thinking back on the many of things I had hoped for in my life, most happened quite contradictory to what I imagined. This is not a new a phenomena; it’s been happening since I was 5 years old. I did not grow up to become the fireman or the veterinary I originally hope for early on. I did not finish college in the original studies I began.

Later in life some plans proved more disappointing and devastating to my adult life. These life lessons taught me the cruelty of human nature and the joys, compassion and love of life. Something so very good grew up out of something very destructive and hurtful; at the time I did not understand why I was worthy of redemption.

That time of redemption was more than five years ago. The twists and turns in my life just kept coming. When my husband and I decided to adopt we prayed about adopting a 14 year old, special needs, girl. That child was not meant to be ours. Instead a 14 month old baby girl came in our home. God’s sense of humor was apparent, what we wanted was not meant to be, it was not the plan, it was not His plan.

There are still many things in my life that are “up in the air”. I have hopes about certain situations and I am now uncertain how they will come out in the end. I do not doubt God’s plan but I do doubt my interpretation of it. For the past 10 months I have been setting a course for “Island A” and I seem to be sailing right past. I am heading into uncharted territory. This new place is not bad or undesirable it’s just not what I had planned. At first I pushed against the tide; I fought my way back but it did not work. I am beginning to think I was not meant to see my “Island”.

Now that I have realized I can hold my own in uncharted waters I am beginning to feel OK. I still hold different feelings about my island, some sadness, some selfishness, some “if only” feelings. Despite the feelings I know in my heart that I am now on the right course. It was that little girl inside me that brought me to the place I sit now. Thankfully as a woman I have finally learned that not all dreams come true. Lastly, as a woman of faith, I know that God truly knows my path and where I will end up. My faith will keep my course and I need not fear distant shores.